Poems for my Daughters

Unrevised and unedited, a stream of consciousness from the heart.

It’s a big world.

But what’s the point

If you’re not having fun?

Softly falling, back and forth,

Towards the ground, but tilting one way and then the next

Evening out

Until you softly land

Only to be swept back

By the wind

An unforeseen force that has control

When it feels like you don’t

Just drift

The universe is on your side

Withdrawn and internal

“Shy” they say

But your inner world is rich and LOUD

And just so cool.

But until you feel safe with someone

It stays inside, brewing, and sloshing, and taking over

Keep the confidence

It’s not forever.

You’ll break free one day,

Pick at yourself like a sculpture

And the world will be breath-taken because

They already knew

They could feel it

That’s why they pestered

Sun child

Cartwheeling, giggling,

The sparkle in the eye.

Sun child

A relentless beauty

That just knows the world is her oyster

She shines bright

Not hurting the eyes of others

But taking them with her

I’m not a mama bear but I’m fiercely loyal

Maybe I’m the mama bird who puts you under her wing

In the rain, in the wind, shielding from the sun and the cold

But knowing, I hope, when it’s the right time to push you out of the nest

It’s a knowing when it’s right and when it’s not the right time

To let you spiral and let you know, learn

And know that you will be okay

Although that I’ve known since you were laid into my arms

The moment I heard your voice. I knew you would be alright.

Because Mother Earth takes care when I can’t

And when I can

She cradles those precious bodies

Your bright sunshine

You are alright.

You’ll think your body isn’t right

You’ll think you need to change

You’ll think you never live up

You’ll think everyone else does

You’ll think you’re the only one.

I hope my gift to you is that you’ll see

One day. The veil will lift. And you will see that you alone are you.

And that your body is right

You don’t need to change

You do live up

Everyone else does too.

You’re not the only one.

Ever.

One day. You will be free. I know. It happened to me.

I’m working on my selfishness

I think it’s something I must have inherited because I always felt like I was in my mom’s way

And now, as a mom, I just want my alone time.

And I want all my time with you. But I can’t have both all the time. And my alone time helps me survive. But I want you around too.

It’s a balance.

And it’s hard.

And I never feel like I’m doing it right.

But I’m trying to tame that feeling because I don’t want to pass that on.

Trust yourself. Be selfish. But also let others in.

I’m trying to show you a balance.

Can you tell?

There is nothing more beautiful than a sleeping child.

The innocence.

The freshness of face.

The deepness of breath.

The peace. The dreaming that takes physical form.

I dream when I watch you sleep.

It’s a pierce directly to the heart and I’m overwhelmed with love

So strong that it can take my breath away

Because when you sleep

You are are you

And you are whole

And you are beautiful.

Falling stars are like magnets to fireflies.

The soul pulls and twinges and twists

Until you listen and spark up what has always been there.

“In the middle of the night, in my dreams, you should see the things we do, baby, uh”

You sing Taylor Swift lyrics with such feeling at 8 years old.

The twist of your face, you already know the dagger of emotion so strongly.

It’s in you.

“Do you really want you daughter singing those lyrics?”

“YES. Those feelings are such a big part of her humanity. Her personality, her existence”.

Sexual pleasure. Human sexuality.

Don’t ever hide the base desires you have girl. It’s yours. It’ll make you light up.

THAT feeling is life. It revives, it teaches, it guides.

It empowers.

I’ll not shy away from teaching you about your own pleasure.

You will not hide your light.

Were you born in fear? Did it stem from me, being afraid of my own power, my own voice?

That I didn’t speak up for me. Or you?

I’m finding my voice and I hope that by finding mine, it helps you find yours.

You’ll do big things girl.

You were breathed into this world in peace, in tenderness.

And your trust in the world mirrors that.

You are joy, which drives out the fear I had before.

Or holds it, hand in hand, acknowledging it is there

It’s just too joyful to care.

Joy pulls along fear like two children interlocking hands, one beaming and one frowning. One pulling back and one pulling forward. But the sun shines on them both.

“Mama!” You say with such glee

And it pierces my heart in full beauty

Like I’ve been punctured by the most beautiful thing

each stage better than the last

If you do anything in this world I want you to spread light.

When I’m remembered by you, let it be with joy

I hope not burden or nagging or judgement.

I’m trying desperately to not be so human, bogged down by expectation

I want you to remember the light, the dance, the songs.

Please, God, let them remember that part.

I hope it’s encased in a glowing light - the visuals, the scent, the sounds.

Ensconced in glowing embers.

Please, god, let them remember that part.

Comparison is the root of all evil they say.

But siblings compare and so do people.

Just remember that you are each your own star.

And we see you as that.

You.

Our family mantras are:

“We’re on each others’ teams” and “Who has it better than we do?”

Take those with you in the depths of your heart.

They are yours.

Tattooed on your heart if I could.

Know this and go forth.